A big part of being plural is managing life as a system. For most, it is not wise to ignore members or pretend the system does not exist, as eventually the headmates in said system might rebel against such behavior, and in-fighting might occur, if not emotional and external issues. Although managing decisions among system members and making sure life is taken care of can be tricky, there are ways to make this easier on everyone:
Do not forget that those in the system are people and should be treated with respect. Try to take care of any needs a system member may have, or find healthy ways of managing them. If system members are bored, try to find something to keep them entertained. If they would like to do their own thing, try to work on compromises that would benefit both parties - while it may be near impossible for a system to say, be a full-time farmer and businessperson all at once just because other members want it, it may be possible for a system to allow members to grow their own plants, while working in business, or vice versa.
If changing fronters regularly, make a schedule so people know what they have to do, and why. Add incentives if wanted/needed, such as some free time for the system members to relax and do something they want after it, or allowing them some money to buy items they need. Add guidelines for those who may switch in accidentally (if that's an issue) and what they should do, or where they should go if they need help.
Some systems have an internal "government" or leadership that helps manage and navigate hard life decisions. These leaderships may be composed of people who understand how to lead others in the system, or have the most life experience, and these groups may help sort out disagreements or tricky situations, and prepare for possible life events. Other systems have hierarchies or democracies based on other system members, and will react and manage situations as they appear.
There are always ways to make sure a system is able to function as a unit peacefully and relatively happily. It may take work, but often results in better functioning and happiness for most (if not all) system members involved.
- What does the system want in life, and are there any goals? Working together on a common life goal can help develop cohesion between members of the system, and make life fun.
- Try to develop bonds with each other, and iron out any rough spots. If some headmates hold a grudge against others, it's a good idea to figure out why, and depending on what the people in question want, bring them together or keep them apart. Encourage friendships over shared interests or goals, and try to support each other.
- Set clear boundaries, limits, and rules that apply system-wide. Some obvious and common ones are to not do harm unless harmed first, to check in with the system before doing anything reckless and out-of-the-ordinary, and for everyone to follow and uphold the law. It's good to make sure everyone is content with the rules, or understands the necessity of such limits.
- How open does everyone expect to be? Will you be open around friends, family, strangers? Depending on the system and their situation in question, a "singlet persona" may be required, and it may be necessary to pretend to be one person around others.
Do not forget that those in the system are people and should be treated with respect. Try to take care of any needs a system member may have, or find healthy ways of managing them. If system members are bored, try to find something to keep them entertained. If they would like to do their own thing, try to work on compromises that would benefit both parties - while it may be near impossible for a system to say, be a full-time farmer and businessperson all at once just because other members want it, it may be possible for a system to allow members to grow their own plants, while working in business, or vice versa.
If changing fronters regularly, make a schedule so people know what they have to do, and why. Add incentives if wanted/needed, such as some free time for the system members to relax and do something they want after it, or allowing them some money to buy items they need. Add guidelines for those who may switch in accidentally (if that's an issue) and what they should do, or where they should go if they need help.
Some systems have an internal "government" or leadership that helps manage and navigate hard life decisions. These leaderships may be composed of people who understand how to lead others in the system, or have the most life experience, and these groups may help sort out disagreements or tricky situations, and prepare for possible life events. Other systems have hierarchies or democracies based on other system members, and will react and manage situations as they appear.
There are always ways to make sure a system is able to function as a unit peacefully and relatively happily. It may take work, but often results in better functioning and happiness for most (if not all) system members involved.
