Although most who are just discovering they are plural are eager to meet others, in this community (as within all other communities) caution is advised in talking to others and getting to know them. While the plural community can be full of fun, interesting, and cool people, some dark corners of the community can also be filled with abusers, stalkers, and creeps. There may be those who see plurality as a game and wish to manipulate others, while there may be plurals themselves who for whatever reason wish to take advantage of their own. It is no different to any other community in that sense, but there are ways for new plurals to stay safe and avoid these types of people.
It helps to have a system plan and the bare minimum of intra-system communication in place when interacting with others, whether it be through physical notes, internal system communication, or some other fashion. Making sure that no one is taken advantage of and checking in with each other is a good way to prevent strangers from taking advantage of the system and creating confusion. Although unusual and rare, it is possible for someone to (accidentally or purposefully) cause intra-system confusion by telling different system members different things in an effort to try and turn the system against itself. Having good communication and/or striving for such prevents this, which is why it is a rare occurrence among most plural systems.
It might be nice to find some people who seem to share the same intra-system identities you do, but be wary of those who seem poised to out-do you. If you find out you have a castle in the headspace, they have a mansion. If you've messed up you're a failure, but if they mess up they're still awesome. They can do no wrong, and you're the black sheep of the world. Unfortunately, these people are looking for an ego boost at your gain, and probably do not care all too much about your feelings, let alone your friendship.
When it comes to grandiose or magnificent claims, how do they approach it? Are they simply relaying an odd tale, or do they expect you to believe it and hold it true despite how unusual the claim seems? Those who are actually experiencing something out of the ordinary will not attempt to assert the claim as an inconvertible fact, and will not use it against someone. Abusers will try to get you to believe a claim and add an air of magnificence to it, often stressing their importance over all others in order to attain power over a person who cannot do the things they claim. Stay away from those that claim grandiose or awe-inspiring things in an effort to attain your servitude.
One of the most controversial topics you might find in the plural community is often called system-hopping (akin to the belief in soul diving seen in psionic communities). System-hopping, or the act of traveling from one physical system's mind to another, has a lot of debate and contention behind it, and one of the reason is because it is frequently used to abuse and take advantage of unsuspecting plural systems. It is fine for people to believe in system-hopping, or that they can do it with people who have consented, but someone trying to enter another system's headspace without their permission is a big red flag, especially if this person is a stranger, acquaintance, or shows other red flags. If the system in question picks up on it and tries to leave, the same person might claim that they have a headmate of theirs locked away (mentally) and the only way to get them back is to stay, or something similar. This is a manipulation tactic, and is a last-ditch attempt for a person to try and regain control over the system. In some cases systems may actually respond subconsciously, blocking off the headmate they think has been locked away. In reality, those who claim with malicious intent that they can lock away system members have no power, and cannot affect a system like that. It is perfectly safe to leave a person like that, and eventually (sometimes with a little bit of prodding) the headmate should return.
Stay away from those who seem to thrive off of drama and harassing their foes more often than is healthy for anyone. These kinds of people are not as easy to spot, but once you get to know them, you may find that they draw debates out, utterly ridicule their opponents and stalk them obsessively, and mock their beliefs and ideas without probable cause or justification. Their behavior may seem to have some value from afar (maybe poking fun at incorrect information or teaching people what not to do in their community) but quickly escalates pass a reasonable threshold and may lead to them lashing out at even those they consider friends. If there is justification given for their behavior, it may be under the guise of system origin, functioning, identity or any other set of traits they deem worthy of their harassment. Drama may follow them constantly. It is best to keep your distance from people like this, because if you have a falling out with said person they might turn their anger and harassment onto you.
It may feel nice to have conversations with others who finally understand you and speak to those who want to acknowledge you, but take care to make sure you're not falling into an unhealthy or cultish group. Any community (plural or not) has the potential to turn into echo chambers where differing opinions are silenced. Not all communities are designed with the ability to handle all forms of conversations and some topics may naturally be off limits, but holding an opinion by itself or asking genuine questions should not be a reason for harassment and poor treatment. Specifically when relating to plurality, asking questions or having opinions about your system or plurality as a whole should not lead to your being harassed, mocked and shunned, especially if you do not treat others poorly due to them and/or only apply them to your system and they help you function. Don't be afraid to have your own beliefs and don't be afraid to question (with their consent) others or yourself.
Even though someone in the system may have a different identity to the body, the body is still a crucial part of interactions, and must follow laws. It is not good for a system member to ignore the reality of sharing a body and behave how they'd like. A system (on some level) must take responsibility for the actions of their other system members if they create serious external repercussions in the physical world, and must take into account the nature of their physical body. For example, while a headmate in a system may be fourteen years of age and wish to express that even in a body that may be thirty, this does not mean that they can date people who are younger than the age of consent. Avoid people who claim that being plural gives them the ability to skirt legal laws, harm others without repercussion, or date people younger than their actual body, especially if they claim to have known to be plural for several years.
In general, if a person is convincing you to do something that makes you or your system members uncomfortable, is illegal or otherwise immoral, or is trying to get system members to turn against one another, they may be abusive. If someone shows is trying to encourage you to pick or harass other people online, that is an unhealthy enviroment If someone is trying to claim that they have special powers or system members that will intrude on your system members, and that they should be respected due to said powers, said person is probably an abuser trying to gain control in ways they know how. By knowing the tricks and trends associated with community abusers, you and your system can stay safe and avoid those looking to do harm.
It helps to have a system plan and the bare minimum of intra-system communication in place when interacting with others, whether it be through physical notes, internal system communication, or some other fashion. Making sure that no one is taken advantage of and checking in with each other is a good way to prevent strangers from taking advantage of the system and creating confusion. Although unusual and rare, it is possible for someone to (accidentally or purposefully) cause intra-system confusion by telling different system members different things in an effort to try and turn the system against itself. Having good communication and/or striving for such prevents this, which is why it is a rare occurrence among most plural systems.
It might be nice to find some people who seem to share the same intra-system identities you do, but be wary of those who seem poised to out-do you. If you find out you have a castle in the headspace, they have a mansion. If you've messed up you're a failure, but if they mess up they're still awesome. They can do no wrong, and you're the black sheep of the world. Unfortunately, these people are looking for an ego boost at your gain, and probably do not care all too much about your feelings, let alone your friendship.
When it comes to grandiose or magnificent claims, how do they approach it? Are they simply relaying an odd tale, or do they expect you to believe it and hold it true despite how unusual the claim seems? Those who are actually experiencing something out of the ordinary will not attempt to assert the claim as an inconvertible fact, and will not use it against someone. Abusers will try to get you to believe a claim and add an air of magnificence to it, often stressing their importance over all others in order to attain power over a person who cannot do the things they claim. Stay away from those that claim grandiose or awe-inspiring things in an effort to attain your servitude.
One of the most controversial topics you might find in the plural community is often called system-hopping (akin to the belief in soul diving seen in psionic communities). System-hopping, or the act of traveling from one physical system's mind to another, has a lot of debate and contention behind it, and one of the reason is because it is frequently used to abuse and take advantage of unsuspecting plural systems. It is fine for people to believe in system-hopping, or that they can do it with people who have consented, but someone trying to enter another system's headspace without their permission is a big red flag, especially if this person is a stranger, acquaintance, or shows other red flags. If the system in question picks up on it and tries to leave, the same person might claim that they have a headmate of theirs locked away (mentally) and the only way to get them back is to stay, or something similar. This is a manipulation tactic, and is a last-ditch attempt for a person to try and regain control over the system. In some cases systems may actually respond subconsciously, blocking off the headmate they think has been locked away. In reality, those who claim with malicious intent that they can lock away system members have no power, and cannot affect a system like that. It is perfectly safe to leave a person like that, and eventually (sometimes with a little bit of prodding) the headmate should return.
Stay away from those who seem to thrive off of drama and harassing their foes more often than is healthy for anyone. These kinds of people are not as easy to spot, but once you get to know them, you may find that they draw debates out, utterly ridicule their opponents and stalk them obsessively, and mock their beliefs and ideas without probable cause or justification. Their behavior may seem to have some value from afar (maybe poking fun at incorrect information or teaching people what not to do in their community) but quickly escalates pass a reasonable threshold and may lead to them lashing out at even those they consider friends. If there is justification given for their behavior, it may be under the guise of system origin, functioning, identity or any other set of traits they deem worthy of their harassment. Drama may follow them constantly. It is best to keep your distance from people like this, because if you have a falling out with said person they might turn their anger and harassment onto you.
It may feel nice to have conversations with others who finally understand you and speak to those who want to acknowledge you, but take care to make sure you're not falling into an unhealthy or cultish group. Any community (plural or not) has the potential to turn into echo chambers where differing opinions are silenced. Not all communities are designed with the ability to handle all forms of conversations and some topics may naturally be off limits, but holding an opinion by itself or asking genuine questions should not be a reason for harassment and poor treatment. Specifically when relating to plurality, asking questions or having opinions about your system or plurality as a whole should not lead to your being harassed, mocked and shunned, especially if you do not treat others poorly due to them and/or only apply them to your system and they help you function. Don't be afraid to have your own beliefs and don't be afraid to question (with their consent) others or yourself.
Even though someone in the system may have a different identity to the body, the body is still a crucial part of interactions, and must follow laws. It is not good for a system member to ignore the reality of sharing a body and behave how they'd like. A system (on some level) must take responsibility for the actions of their other system members if they create serious external repercussions in the physical world, and must take into account the nature of their physical body. For example, while a headmate in a system may be fourteen years of age and wish to express that even in a body that may be thirty, this does not mean that they can date people who are younger than the age of consent. Avoid people who claim that being plural gives them the ability to skirt legal laws, harm others without repercussion, or date people younger than their actual body, especially if they claim to have known to be plural for several years.
In general, if a person is convincing you to do something that makes you or your system members uncomfortable, is illegal or otherwise immoral, or is trying to get system members to turn against one another, they may be abusive. If someone shows is trying to encourage you to pick or harass other people online, that is an unhealthy enviroment If someone is trying to claim that they have special powers or system members that will intrude on your system members, and that they should be respected due to said powers, said person is probably an abuser trying to gain control in ways they know how. By knowing the tricks and trends associated with community abusers, you and your system can stay safe and avoid those looking to do harm.
